If you were wondering...nope there has not been a slow down. Every day, every week is the same thing. Study, study, study. I have been trying to take Thursday
OR Friday's to kind of relax and treat myself so I don't go crazy. I will usually either go to the movies or catch up on the shows that I have missed throughout the week.
I know some of you are probably wondering how my first exams went so let's get that out the way. On my first anatomy exam I got an 85.33 on the practical and an 86.66 on the written so my actual test grade came out to be an 85.99
(there is no rounding in grad school; at least not this one). There were
75 questions on both parts. I'm not particularly too excited about my grade but seeing that the class average was in the 70's and only about two people in my program made A's I think I did pretty good. Plus, after taking the first test I felt DEFEATED! I honestly thought I failed. My biggest problem was that I just ran out of time. I went over all the material, but since the forearm, wrist, and hand were the last things that I studied none of it really stuck. I felt pretty good about anything unrelated to these parts
(so basically the rest of the entire upper extremity) but the hand and stuff just had way too much information to remember in little to no time.
Though I made roughly about the same grade on both parts, the practical is where I really struggled. The Wednesday before the test the TA's hosted a practice practical. I felt pretty confident during the practice and I could actually think. Problem was at 8 in the morning, when I had the
real thing, it felt like my body had not fully woken up and I was moving in SLOW MOTION! I mean I couldn't think for NOTHING! I kept saying, "This is not real, this is not real!" I literally felt like I was sleep walking and since we only have a minute at each cadaver station there is no time for slow processing brains. My confidence was completely blown after taking the practical portion. Then I had to go take the written. I felt much better about the written. My body had actually had a chance to wake up a bit more and I had much more time to think through each question.
My next test is June 27th. I don't know I feel about this test. I changed the way I prepared for it a little bit from the first so we will see what happens. I am glad that this time I have written first and then the practical. I'm hoping this gives my body a chance to wake up and my brain to start working.
On to better news, on my first Kinesiology exam I made a 98. It was mainly multiple choice and then had an essay question at the end. We also had a ROM competency yesterday (June 24th). I was super nervous because I did not feel competent and I was already in a bad mood, but I think I did pretty well. It had a written part and then a performance portion. I don't think we will get our grades back until the second lab group takes their test.
UPDATE: Grades were posted Thursday (26th), I got a 100!
Last post I told ya'll that my other two classes get super neglected. This still holds true. The intensity of the anatomy class does not allow me to appreciate my other two classes. They feel like more of a burden than anything else. I haven't read one article, reading, or assignment for my intro to OT class. We also have an essay due soon and an activity analysis due. Have I started? That would be a no. That's my goal this weekend...to at least finish the activity analysis completely and at least 1/3 of the essay. I can't release the topic of my essay yet, but we basically had to choose an intervention or treatment and now we are responsible for finding 10 related articles, using 5 of them and writing a 5 page paper. I am having a little difficult time finding articles relevant to my topic, but we will see when I actually have time to do real searching.
Enough about that though! Let's talk about these emotions of mine.
Smh I wish I was writing this in the middle of my emotion because then I could better explain to you how I have been feeling -- but I am not...so bare with me please. This is going to be all jumbled so follow along. Okay so, I am an emotional person in general, but lately I have been feeling really down. I'm not really sure the root of my tears. It may be a combination of being overwhelmed, disappointed, and exhausted, but I'm thinking mainly disappointed. When I graduated from my undergrad...well even before then, I told myself that I wanted my grad school experience to be different; to be a fresh start at life. Long story short, I didn't have much fun in undergrad and I didn't make many friends...if really any at all. I am an introvert by nature and it is easier for me to not deal with people so that is usually the route I take -- 9 times out of 10 I just like being in my own company. This time around I wanted to be more social and make new connections.
The first week, maybe even first two weeks of school that was going well. I was talking to people and they talked back, but now I can feel the distancing and I definitely feel like an outcast even though I know I am not alone. Most people in my program and even the other DPT and AT program students seem to like to study or review in groups. As a result, they form strong connections and relationships with the people that they are studying with and spending time with the most. Me, on the other hand, I just don't learn effectively in groups and especially not with the pace and intensity of this course. Being that I am not willing to sacrifice my grade because I want to make friends
(since we technically don't have a GPA, if we fail anatomy we are OUT of the program and a C or D gets you academic probation -- the pressure to pass is REAL), I just leave groups alone. I tried it I think two times so far this summer and each time it was a complete FAIL
(I may go into detail in a later blog -- long story short much time wasted; not much accomplished).Even for tutoring I would do solo tutoring. I am trying to work on that though because it's
killing my pockets. I'm so broke it's not even funny
(not just because of tutoring, but just being careless with my money in general). Even if I could find one more person to join me in tutoring that would cut my expenses in half. I only do about one tutoring session a week and sometimes not even that if all the TA's are booked, but still!!!
Anyways, getting back on track...I usually don't eat lunch with people either because I use that time to eat and study. A lot of people don't like being alone or doing things alone, but it's something I have always done and feel comfortable with. However, since I was hoping for something new the reality of my situation is discouraging. It's like undergrad all over again. There is one girl I have met so far that I seem to click with well. I also appreciate that every 2 weeks we get new lab partners, which allows us to meet and work with new people pretty regularly. Thankfully, I've enjoyed working with both groups. My first lab group I clicked with more on a social level so it was sad when we had to "break up." My second group, not so much, but I liked that we actually used our lab time to review course material and not just mindlessly dissect. During this course,
EVERY minute counts so if you spend 3 hours in the lab just dissecting you are going to end up super behind knowledge wise. Anyways, I still talk regularly to two people of my first group and if I see the other two I'll speak, but that's pretty much it. We will be assigned new lab groups on Sunday so we will see how this next group turns out.
My thoughts as of right now is that I am probably not going to make too many friends over the summer simply because of the circumstance. However, I am hoping that once the fall comes around and the pace settles down a bit, I'll be able to engage in the more social aspect that comes with being with the same group of people for 2.5 years. I do think it will get better though. Just have to pray about it.
For now, with anatomy being so intense and then things not going as I envisioned, though it's sometimes hard to deal with emotionally and I am
ALWAYS tired and having headaches, I have come to the conclusion that I have to just take it
one MINUTE,
one HOUR,
one DAY,
one WEEK at a time. I will keep ya'll updated on how I feel as time goes on.
PS: I took my second anatomy test today. We will talk about that later, but grades will be posted Monday (Jun 30th)
PS2: If there are ridiculous typos -- my bad.
I waited to the very last minute to register. The director emphasized that she wanted us to make sure that we were going to pass anatomy before registering. I knew I would pass, but for some reason I just kept pushing it off and pushing it off. Classes start on August 20th and my last final is December 10th! I have to take Theory and Foundations of OT, Introduction to Evaluation and Intervention in OT (which has a lab), Research Process in Occupational Therapy, Occupational Performance Throughout the Lifespan, and Conditions in OT. These all total 15 hours. I'm looking forward to all my classes minus Research Process in OT. It just doesn't sound fun. lol
